Help: How to Flirt and Not Be a Creepster

[justira]

Or, you know. Just get to know people.

So guess what, flist! I'm socially awkward. SURPRISE RIGHT??? You are BLOWN AWAY.

Lately I have been spending a lot of time at cafes with wireless — basically JUST so I could spend some time outside of work/house because I realized that I had barely left the apartment for like a year. You know how I joke about being a hermit? Well I wasn't joking you see >.>

And well. At one of the cafes, the Starbucks by my work, there are some interesting people. People who know my order! Because creature of habit, that is me. There is a kinda nerdy girl with awesome glasses, a guy with dreads TOO AWESOME to fit under his starbucks hat so the hat just kind of perches on top at totally random angles, a tall guy with a shaved head and HUGE ADORABLE EYES (@general_jinjur: think Gerard Way), and a tiny girl who is just like. IDEK. Basically uhhhh my type: small without looking fragile and 100% adorbs.

In case you COULDN'T TELL the latter two folks rather ping my makeouts-o-meter, but all of them seem like they would be really cool to know just in general.

Problem! They're all at Starbucks! Which is their place of employment! In the service industry!

Is there any way to invite further association with them without coming off as Creepy McCreepershark? They seem to like me! But then I like. Respect people in the service industry? And like smile at them and treat like them YOU KNOW, MAYBE THEY ARE PEOPLE. So maybe they are just reacting to me not being a douche to them. Idek guys, I am hermitty hermit who is a socially awkward hermit; I dunno how to read these things!

But still, it would neat to have friends in the area. ... especially that smaller girl >.> The partner keeps saying I should just give her my number XD

On a more serious note! I know this can be really uh. Not awesome. If it's a guy trying to hit on a woman while she's at work. That is generally just like megacreeps. There are worse and better ways to do it, but you start off with the woman in a bad position, especially if it's a job in a service industry or he otherwise has power over her. So that's not awesome. I am not a guy though, I am kind of on the opposite end of the power differential there, and pretty much I think it would just be awesome to get to know these people! So idk. Help?

Comments

[cesy]

I am no help at all in this situation, sadly. I would hide in a corner and dream about the situation magically fixing itself and them approaching me, and it would never happen.

[squeemu]

Also no help at all, BUT. I would say that probably, in general, the whole "not being/looking like a guy" thing works in your favor, in this case. Chances are, she will not automatically assume you are talking her just because you want in her pants, and even if she does think that, she will probably not immediately be worried that you'll force the issue, simply because you are not a guy.

Uh. Things you could. Maybe talk about would be like, "Hey, did you see X is playing," or "I just saw this movie, what did you think of it?" while ordering?

Other things working in your favor: they already know you respect people who work in the service industry and treat them as, you know, people, and so they'll probably at least be polite if you talk to them and let them know you think they seem kind of cool and would they like to hang out later in a non-work capacity?

I bet if I had a regular who treated me nicely, I would at least consider it. (I... do not work right now and thus am wildly speculating.)

GOOD LUCK AND KEEP US UPDATED???

[chaosraven]

Do you talk to them at all, other than when you get your order taken? That might be a healthy first step. >D Also, if you find out what their interests are, you can invite them to do things.

I also like to do that thing where I fess up to being entirely awkward. Be like: I'm trying not to be a total creeper about this but I may come off as totally awkward anyway. I'm hoping to make more friends in the area and I was wondering if you'd be interested in hanging out some time. You seem like cool people. If it's too weird, I completely understand and won't be crushed. Etc.

That takes the pressure off of you trying to pretend that inviting people to do things comes naturally and gives them an out where they can say "uh, no thanks" if they need to.

GOOD LUCK!

[stealth_noodle]

Speaking as someone who has spent a lot of time working jobs that involve public service, I'd say that chattiness works well! Comment on the music, compliment someone's accessories (I've had a lot of conversations about Etsy this way), say you want to try something new on the menu and would like recommendations--anything casual that isn't totally out of left field.

If you can establish some mutual interests, you'll have a base to build on. Say, if you've been chatting about music, it's way less likely to come off as creepy if you mention that you're going to a local music festival, ask whether they're going, and say you hope to see them there. Or if you find out you've got a hobby in common, you can always ask if they know a good local place to buy supplies or meet other hobbyists.

If you're really lucky, you can bump into one of them in a non-work context and strike up a conversation, which takes a lot of the potential awkwardness out of the situation, but that's not the kind of thing you can orchestrate, alas. Good luck!

[jerkface]

Hiiiii. So, I'm hardly the messiah of social networking or anything, especially if there is the potential for flirting, but I noticed a few awesome suggestions in the above comments and felt the urge to contribute. (OH HEY THERE'S AN IDEA. Add to on-going discussions. Like, if Huge Adorable Eyes Guys is having a side convo with his coworkers about a topic with which you have even a passing familiarity, you can contribute to the conversation. JUMP IN THAT. Like, "Oh yeah, I saw that movie too. It was pretty ______.")

An astounding number of my friendships began as inside jokes, before I was even friends with the people involved. stealth_noodle mentioned complimenting accessories; you could be like "lol dreadlock guy, every time I come in here, your hat is at a different angle" and thus start a running joke about the varying directional orientation of one's hat.

Heck, compliments rock in general! When I meet someone new and I notice something about them that really pops out to me, I compliment it. "Hey, Girl With Awesome Glasses, your frames are kickin. Where'd you get them?" That was more or less the first thing I said to seventhe when we first met in person (that, and "OMG I LOVE YOUR SCARF"). Even though we'd been acquainted online for years before then, I was incredibly awkward for that first hour or so, because hey, I'm an awkward person. So I was like "HEY! GLASSES! SCARF! THAT'LL BREAK THE ICE!" And then boom! Ice broken. (And truth be told, it really was a lovely scarf.)

So yeah. This comment wasn't very helpful at all. But it's so long and rambly, it'd be a shame to delete the thing. It stays.

I wish you luck!