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[Fic] Final Fantasy X -- Moments of Regret: Ascending Spiral, Heavy Shit, Old Friends (A/B/J)
Title: Moments of Regret: Ascending Spiral, Heavy Shit, Old Friends
Fandom: Final Fantasy X
Theme: Regret (![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
ff_100) / Moment in time [74] (pyre_flies)
Characters/Pairings: Auron/Braska/Jecht
Rating: PG-13 for implied naughty
Words: 129 + 178 + 125 = 432
Crit/Feedback: Both are very welcome =)
Notes: I started this for theff_100 FFX/Regret challenge but got frustrated and dropped it for a while. I came back, edited it, restructured it to fit both themes (ff_100 and pyre_flies), and finished the last part, and now I'm mostly satisfied. I have additional gripes and notes below.
PS: I swear I'll finish and submit my FFIX/The roads we walk drabble soon >.>
Ascending Spiral
There is little room for regret.
Little enough room for him in the hollow space inside his robes, the cold distance between people's looks and where he stands, the long laden silences between terse words.
But the pause of a hitched breath, Auron's looks, Jecht's rough laugh, the tangled rush of hands, heat, sweat, swearing, the sharp press of teeth, kisses hard with anger and desperation — those are full of him, of them.
After, looking up into the boundless sky through the tangle of Jecht's limbs and Auron's hair he thinks he can fill even that void: expectations, Yevon, judgments, spirals (in green eyes), Yuna, Yuna, Yuna.
But Jecht mutters against his ear and Auron's breaths are too even for sleep, and there is no room for regret.
__________________________
Heavy Shit
The heavy feeling in his gut isn't any damn regret or guilt or whatever else.
It's like that dry taste before a blitz game — without the adrenaline rush. It's — it's like thinking of Tidus, or Zanarkand. Without the moping. Auron mopes.
It's not fear, because he can laugh at fear and yell and swear at it. And lately it’s always there, heavy like an anchor pulling him down to this world even as Braska pulls him in and he pushes Auron down. Okay, he laughs then, too (mostly at Auron, the prude), and yells (also at Auron), and swears (he wants to say that's at Auron too, but Braska's got a hell of a way of—).
The heat of fingers dragging uneven trails across the scars on his back, the wet slide of mouths, hard muscle, piercing grey eyes, hot and clear — hell, that's not scary.
He knows what Braska would call that weight, making Auron snort and Jecht laugh. All saintly-like, right before he'd pull the both of them in for another go. He'd call it happiness.
__________________________
Old Friends
He is intimately familiar with regret.
When he was a young fool he thought he would die of it.
Ha. Life left him. Regrets did not. Old friends.
But when the old spheres show Tidus his father, Auron remembers Jecht pulling them down on top of him, laughing and threatening them with a sphere Auron would later throw into the Moonflow. And when the pyreflies show Yuna her father, Auron thinks of their last night outside Zanarkand, and Braska reaching up to the sky for a stray pyrefly that wouldn’t remember them.
Jecht’s son has killed him, and Braska’s daughter is performing the Sending. Auron bows his head, and smiles. More a fool than he’d thought, to believe his friends so few and so old. And so unforgiving.
--
End.
A/N: I had a really hard time with this set. I started writing it on paper, so I had little conception of the word count. I'd originally intended for it to be my usual kind of triple drabble: a set of three 100-word, self-contained drabbles that work well individually and better together. I hope I succeeded on the last three counts, but I failed utterly on the first. I'm very proud of how far I manged to cut these, since they started out at over 200, about 300, and about 150, respectively. I'm still unhappy with a few small parts in each, but I don't think I can cut them down further, and I think altogether they do almost what I wanted them to.
Things I'm pleased with: I think I managed to capture a decent voice for each of the three. Initially I was insecure about this and included their names ("... in Braska's life", "According to Jecht...", "Auron is intimately...") but I decided in the end the voices were strong enough to drop the names, and I think this was a good decision. I hope it was actually well-founded. I'm also proud that I manged to layer in most of the connections I wanted to. I was very worried that the Auron one wouldn't be able to pull off tying them all together and bringing the various themes and ideas to a conclusion, but I think it did okay here. I'm still insecure about it, but I think it could have been worse.
I'm unhappy that I didn't manage to make these true 100-word drabbles, but I think I did well on cutting them down, so I guess I'm not too unhapppy there. There's also a few areas I think turned out a little awkward. Feel free to try and point anything of the sort out -- I'd be interested in seeing if the places you find were the same as mine, and I'm always open to feedback =)
x-post:ff_100, pyre_flies, ffx_yaoi, my journal. Wow. I'm a ho >.>
Fandom: Final Fantasy X
Theme: Regret (
ff_100) / Moment in time [74] (pyre_flies)Characters/Pairings: Auron/Braska/Jecht
Rating: PG-13 for implied naughty
Words: 129 + 178 + 125 = 432
Crit/Feedback: Both are very welcome =)
Notes: I started this for the
ff_100 FFX/Regret challenge but got frustrated and dropped it for a while. I came back, edited it, restructured it to fit both themes (ff_100 and pyre_flies), and finished the last part, and now I'm mostly satisfied. I have additional gripes and notes below.PS: I swear I'll finish and submit my FFIX/The roads we walk drabble soon >.>
Ascending Spiral
There is little room for regret.
Little enough room for him in the hollow space inside his robes, the cold distance between people's looks and where he stands, the long laden silences between terse words.
But the pause of a hitched breath, Auron's looks, Jecht's rough laugh, the tangled rush of hands, heat, sweat, swearing, the sharp press of teeth, kisses hard with anger and desperation — those are full of him, of them.
After, looking up into the boundless sky through the tangle of Jecht's limbs and Auron's hair he thinks he can fill even that void: expectations, Yevon, judgments, spirals (in green eyes), Yuna, Yuna, Yuna.
But Jecht mutters against his ear and Auron's breaths are too even for sleep, and there is no room for regret.
Heavy Shit
The heavy feeling in his gut isn't any damn regret or guilt or whatever else.
It's like that dry taste before a blitz game — without the adrenaline rush. It's — it's like thinking of Tidus, or Zanarkand. Without the moping. Auron mopes.
It's not fear, because he can laugh at fear and yell and swear at it. And lately it’s always there, heavy like an anchor pulling him down to this world even as Braska pulls him in and he pushes Auron down. Okay, he laughs then, too (mostly at Auron, the prude), and yells (also at Auron), and swears (he wants to say that's at Auron too, but Braska's got a hell of a way of—).
The heat of fingers dragging uneven trails across the scars on his back, the wet slide of mouths, hard muscle, piercing grey eyes, hot and clear — hell, that's not scary.
He knows what Braska would call that weight, making Auron snort and Jecht laugh. All saintly-like, right before he'd pull the both of them in for another go. He'd call it happiness.
Old Friends
He is intimately familiar with regret.
When he was a young fool he thought he would die of it.
Ha. Life left him. Regrets did not. Old friends.
But when the old spheres show Tidus his father, Auron remembers Jecht pulling them down on top of him, laughing and threatening them with a sphere Auron would later throw into the Moonflow. And when the pyreflies show Yuna her father, Auron thinks of their last night outside Zanarkand, and Braska reaching up to the sky for a stray pyrefly that wouldn’t remember them.
Jecht’s son has killed him, and Braska’s daughter is performing the Sending. Auron bows his head, and smiles. More a fool than he’d thought, to believe his friends so few and so old. And so unforgiving.
--
End.
A/N: I had a really hard time with this set. I started writing it on paper, so I had little conception of the word count. I'd originally intended for it to be my usual kind of triple drabble: a set of three 100-word, self-contained drabbles that work well individually and better together. I hope I succeeded on the last three counts, but I failed utterly on the first. I'm very proud of how far I manged to cut these, since they started out at over 200, about 300, and about 150, respectively. I'm still unhappy with a few small parts in each, but I don't think I can cut them down further, and I think altogether they do almost what I wanted them to.
Things I'm pleased with: I think I managed to capture a decent voice for each of the three. Initially I was insecure about this and included their names ("... in Braska's life", "According to Jecht...", "Auron is intimately...") but I decided in the end the voices were strong enough to drop the names, and I think this was a good decision. I hope it was actually well-founded. I'm also proud that I manged to layer in most of the connections I wanted to. I was very worried that the Auron one wouldn't be able to pull off tying them all together and bringing the various themes and ideas to a conclusion, but I think it did okay here. I'm still insecure about it, but I think it could have been worse.
I'm unhappy that I didn't manage to make these true 100-word drabbles, but I think I did well on cutting them down, so I guess I'm not too unhapppy there. There's also a few areas I think turned out a little awkward. Feel free to try and point anything of the sort out -- I'd be interested in seeing if the places you find were the same as mine, and I'm always open to feedback =)
x-post:
ff_100, pyre_flies, ffx_yaoi, my journal. Wow. I'm a ho >.>
no subject
I'm impressed, this was a wonderful set of drabbles. You managed to convey so much emotion in so few words, which is always a brilliant skill to have! I could easily tell who was narrating which part, which means you definitely managed to achieve what you were going for. :3
Also, I don't know how much this means to you, but Auron/Jecht/Braska has made it into my very, very small list of OT3s. ALL BECAUSE OF YOU. ♥
no subject
Translation: IT MEANS A LOT ♥
And hey, thanks so much for the feedback. This is the first thing I've finished in a while, and I always feel so weird about my drabbles, so it's absolutely fantastic to hear any kind of feedback, especially when it's so nice!
no subject
no subject
no subject
I'm glad you think I was right to drop the names. A huge part of the trouble I have with editing my own work is insecurity -- I sometimes err on the side of obvious because I'm just not sure I got it across well enough. I'm glad that I'm becoming a little more secure, and I'm really greateful to you for letting me know that you approve.
Thanks very much for the lovely comment =D