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iii have something to say. i shall try to not overdramatize and be short. and stuff. just... please
several points i think i need to make clear... because i somehow believe this will help people who randomly try to help me. or something.
- i have problems. i know that. i try to deal with them, i usually don't succeed. the fact that i do not succeed is not the fault of anyone around me, it is mine. i am simply not strong enough. i appreciate the hugs you give me and the words, and the way you listen when i actually say something, but no one can fix anything about me but myself. i'm not saying nothing you do helps... i just don't want anybody to decide that they will take on the burden of "fixing ira".
- i can't talk. this is one of my problems, one that i focus on a lot. i rather regularly will post a complaining rant about how i can't talk. i can write in livejournal or on aim much better than i can talk, but typed words are impersonal, meaningless symbols. while spoken words are meaningless noise, really, when it is in person, there is inflection, tone, expressions on faces, body language, so many subtle things that say better what one really means. still, it is very hard for me to say anything that is me, from my opinions to what is currently wrong in my life. (that last part being said in a somewhat sarcastic tone.)
it is probably better to talk to someone about problems. however, i can't. this usually makes things worse, but there really isn't much anyone can do to help that. when i can, i try to talk to someone.
- what i say is never the whole story. ever. when i can, as i said, i try to talk some of what is bothering me out, and i thank you all for listening. however, i have never told all that is bothering me. for one, that would be impossible, just by my nature. for another, everyone has problems. i don't like to burden others with mine.
- i do not mind when people come to me with stuff that is bothering them. in fact, i like to feel of some use, and i really do want to help. so just because i've been whining about how my life is suuuuch a hell and sooo angsty and sooo horrible that i will just dieeeee and cryyyyyy and laaaaa doesn't mean i don't want to listen to you.
- my family life is not horrible. my parents, now that they're aware that, unlike what they previously thought, my life is not sunshine and flowers, are usually okay and sometimes try to be nice.
there's other things i wanted to say. oh well. i'll say them later, if i remember.
and i lost my point.
but thank you for reading.
- i have problems. i know that. i try to deal with them, i usually don't succeed. the fact that i do not succeed is not the fault of anyone around me, it is mine. i am simply not strong enough. i appreciate the hugs you give me and the words, and the way you listen when i actually say something, but no one can fix anything about me but myself. i'm not saying nothing you do helps... i just don't want anybody to decide that they will take on the burden of "fixing ira".
- i can't talk. this is one of my problems, one that i focus on a lot. i rather regularly will post a complaining rant about how i can't talk. i can write in livejournal or on aim much better than i can talk, but typed words are impersonal, meaningless symbols. while spoken words are meaningless noise, really, when it is in person, there is inflection, tone, expressions on faces, body language, so many subtle things that say better what one really means. still, it is very hard for me to say anything that is me, from my opinions to what is currently wrong in my life. (that last part being said in a somewhat sarcastic tone.)
it is probably better to talk to someone about problems. however, i can't. this usually makes things worse, but there really isn't much anyone can do to help that. when i can, i try to talk to someone.
- what i say is never the whole story. ever. when i can, as i said, i try to talk some of what is bothering me out, and i thank you all for listening. however, i have never told all that is bothering me. for one, that would be impossible, just by my nature. for another, everyone has problems. i don't like to burden others with mine.
- i do not mind when people come to me with stuff that is bothering them. in fact, i like to feel of some use, and i really do want to help. so just because i've been whining about how my life is suuuuch a hell and sooo angsty and sooo horrible that i will just dieeeee and cryyyyyy and laaaaa doesn't mean i don't want to listen to you.
- my family life is not horrible. my parents, now that they're aware that, unlike what they previously thought, my life is not sunshine and flowers, are usually okay and sometimes try to be nice.
there's other things i wanted to say. oh well. i'll say them later, if i remember.
and i lost my point.
but thank you for reading.
no subject
this is a generalization and not an attempt to explain away anything, but people without problems are generally pretty ignorant and uncaring. ignorance is bliss.
words are so difficult when you are not a cheerleader.