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this is me whining about my problems, followed by a blurb about my weekend. joy.
i've somehow stopped talking... the distressing thing being that i've stopped talking because i've made myself not talk about my problems.
and now i have nothing to say.
today i went to the orthodontist's. a stupid baby tooth hasn't come out yet. i have to get it pulled, then the permanent tooth under it has to be dug out, put on a brace, and i have to wait until it grows into the space it's supposed to be in.
that's aside from the fact that i need braces.
i may have been able to deal with that by itself, if that was the only thing wrong today or ever wrong with my teeth.
but no.
i cannot bear pain in my mouth.
i'll deal with pain anywhere else, except for from needles. i hate needles.
but novocaine is needles in my mouth.
it hurt like hell when they dug out my cavities a few years ago.
i've had... 5? cavities? a root canal. two teeth pulled. a crown put on. a good deal of it done when the novocaine wasn't working. they gave me seven shots. SEVEN FUCKING NEEDLES in my MOUTH. and the drug didn't work. so they drilled my cavity, pulled out my tooth, and put on a crown. without the drug.
i am so sick of people digging around in my mouth with needles and sharp things and mirrors.
i hadn't had cavities in a while, i thought, maybe it's over. and now the stupid baby tooth.
and the braces.
all the people i've ever known who've had braces have said they hurt.
my mouth is rather sensitive. and i hate pain in it. the ONE place i hate to have pain in (i can bear other places) is where i'm going to have metal THINGS for two years.
dammit...
that will be more constant pain in ADDITION to my tailbone.
stupid as it may sound, i may have managed to break my tailbone at some point in early January. this sucks. because the tailbone is what you sit on. it hurts a little all the time and a lot when i first sit down. then more. and more. some of you may have noticed that i sit on my side when i can. this is to spare my tailbone. when i get up it hurts MORE. then it dulls to the mild twinge it usually is until i sit again.
i was thinking about this on the way home in the car. i'd almost started crying at the orthodontist's, just thinking about what they wanted to do to me. i DID cry on the way home.
i've been holding things in. all of them. one person has been privy to a little of my whining this summer. one.
and today i cried for all of them.
sick of my teeth, my tailbone, my glasses, my mother, my psychiatrist, my inability to function. everything. aside from the random problems people get by just living.
i am very hard to overwhelm with emotion. most of the time i can push it aside, ignore it, and i don't know where it goes. (Claire, you know about that, i think. and don't feel bad - i like how things are going there right now. and you ARE cute.)
i am especially hard to overwhelm with fright or anger.
and i DO get angry. i get very angry. but i turn it inwards. at myself. and then it goes away and nothing happens to anyone. no one has ever seen me overwhelmed by anger.
and i am very, very easily frightened. that i push aside and make logic take over. i think one person has seen me overwhelmed by fright to the point that i was babbling an not thinking logically. at all.
one thing i am easily overwhelmed with is sadness. and selfpity.
also loneliness.
.
i'm tired of talking about myself. just finish with my weekend and go.
i went waterskiing in raleigh. drove there from richmond, waterskiied, then drove back.
i did pretty well, except there were many waves at first and i kept falling.
i slalom - one ski, and going side to side.
one particularly nasty fall... landed on my face and chest, when a wave made fly up. i was going at around 30 miles an hour - snapped my head back when i hit the water, and my arms. my back hurts, my neck REALLY hurts now.
butyes. i got to drive.
today my mother's going BACK to raleigh. cheers.
except she's also taking the internet connection with her. BOO.
for 3 days.
i'm an internet addict - i live online. i talk to my friends, i check their livejournals. i have no way of talking to anyone but those i see at institute for 3 days. geh.
anyway. enough from me.
and now i have nothing to say.
today i went to the orthodontist's. a stupid baby tooth hasn't come out yet. i have to get it pulled, then the permanent tooth under it has to be dug out, put on a brace, and i have to wait until it grows into the space it's supposed to be in.
that's aside from the fact that i need braces.
i may have been able to deal with that by itself, if that was the only thing wrong today or ever wrong with my teeth.
but no.
i cannot bear pain in my mouth.
i'll deal with pain anywhere else, except for from needles. i hate needles.
but novocaine is needles in my mouth.
it hurt like hell when they dug out my cavities a few years ago.
i've had... 5? cavities? a root canal. two teeth pulled. a crown put on. a good deal of it done when the novocaine wasn't working. they gave me seven shots. SEVEN FUCKING NEEDLES in my MOUTH. and the drug didn't work. so they drilled my cavity, pulled out my tooth, and put on a crown. without the drug.
i am so sick of people digging around in my mouth with needles and sharp things and mirrors.
i hadn't had cavities in a while, i thought, maybe it's over. and now the stupid baby tooth.
and the braces.
all the people i've ever known who've had braces have said they hurt.
my mouth is rather sensitive. and i hate pain in it. the ONE place i hate to have pain in (i can bear other places) is where i'm going to have metal THINGS for two years.
dammit...
that will be more constant pain in ADDITION to my tailbone.
stupid as it may sound, i may have managed to break my tailbone at some point in early January. this sucks. because the tailbone is what you sit on. it hurts a little all the time and a lot when i first sit down. then more. and more. some of you may have noticed that i sit on my side when i can. this is to spare my tailbone. when i get up it hurts MORE. then it dulls to the mild twinge it usually is until i sit again.
i was thinking about this on the way home in the car. i'd almost started crying at the orthodontist's, just thinking about what they wanted to do to me. i DID cry on the way home.
i've been holding things in. all of them. one person has been privy to a little of my whining this summer. one.
and today i cried for all of them.
sick of my teeth, my tailbone, my glasses, my mother, my psychiatrist, my inability to function. everything. aside from the random problems people get by just living.
i am very hard to overwhelm with emotion. most of the time i can push it aside, ignore it, and i don't know where it goes. (Claire, you know about that, i think. and don't feel bad - i like how things are going there right now. and you ARE cute.)
i am especially hard to overwhelm with fright or anger.
and i DO get angry. i get very angry. but i turn it inwards. at myself. and then it goes away and nothing happens to anyone. no one has ever seen me overwhelmed by anger.
and i am very, very easily frightened. that i push aside and make logic take over. i think one person has seen me overwhelmed by fright to the point that i was babbling an not thinking logically. at all.
one thing i am easily overwhelmed with is sadness. and selfpity.
also loneliness.
.
i'm tired of talking about myself. just finish with my weekend and go.
i went waterskiing in raleigh. drove there from richmond, waterskiied, then drove back.
i did pretty well, except there were many waves at first and i kept falling.
i slalom - one ski, and going side to side.
one particularly nasty fall... landed on my face and chest, when a wave made fly up. i was going at around 30 miles an hour - snapped my head back when i hit the water, and my arms. my back hurts, my neck REALLY hurts now.
butyes. i got to drive.
today my mother's going BACK to raleigh. cheers.
except she's also taking the internet connection with her. BOO.
for 3 days.
i'm an internet addict - i live online. i talk to my friends, i check their livejournals. i have no way of talking to anyone but those i see at institute for 3 days. geh.
anyway. enough from me.
no subject
nopenope. it's called a telephone.
..i'm sorry about the teeth stuff...they did stuff to me for 7 years (i cry at the *dentist*) ... they're going to give me some kind of biteguard, at that. *sigh* i'm sorry. braces hurt for a few weeks, then they just look ugly *D
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no subject
Braces suck. I had something called 'advanced fangosis' -- my upper canine teeth were so high on my jaw that the points barely came below the tops of my other teeth. Strangely, i don't remember moving those hurting nearly as much as routine braces tightening did (which wasn't that bad -- the pallete expander was much worse).
I find breaking things and making other things to be good for anger. But that is me. YMMV.
I remember waterskiing. I wasn't very good at it. It didn't help that the boat was barely powerful enough to lift me up like it was supposed to, but i was heavier then. It was fun, though. But i still prefer sailing. haven't done either in too long.
no subject
sometimes i think i'd give your mom a quick shot to the jaw if i met her. but i'd probably be really polite instead.
i don't mind your 'whining.' i don't even notice. don't worry about it.
i want to hear you sing those songs you wrote.
no subject
Ira.
we love you.
needles... horrible things.
pills can be worse, though.
ah well.
pleasant dreams
jkavv