justira | general apology. yes.

yes... it appears that my period of actually NOT being unhappy is now being compensated for.

today was unfriendly, as was yesterday.
cried both days - haven't done that in a while.
yes. i thank the lord that i do not make loud noises when i cry, and that i have the sense to go *outside* when i do so.

i have managed to piss off all my teachers, as they think i am falling apart out of pure slackerage. i admit that i am a slacker, but i have always been and gotten good grades anyway, much higher than average. see, the problem is that i neither eat nor sleep, one because i simply don't care enough to, the other because i do not like to.

i think enough of that.

but Dan, Reid, and Jessica forcefed me today.

and there is nobody to talk to.

i think i would like.. i don't know... something that isn't this.

why am i incapable of being happy? i've asked, and people say that i do a good job of looking happy/chipper/bubbly/hyper. i think i mentioned a while back that even when i look or act happy, nothing inside's really changed.

dark pit of darkness indeed.

is it that hard to believe that my happiness is a facade? when i say i am sad and i don't know why, that means i'm not only nothappy, i'm really really unhappy.

enough.

i am sorry.

i just don't know who to talk at and so i shall talk at everyone. smart child.