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(no subject)
you know....
i'm rather tired of hating myself.
and there is such a remarkable amount of things i can do about it. like maybe just collapse right here and cry.
i can't NOT hate me, and i am so tired of it.
just lie down right here and give up.
so easy.
but no.
work to do.
stupid group project to finish.
stupid life to not completely fuck up (though i'm well on my way).
and the sad thing is that those two reasons are just about all that keeps me from doing just as i said - giving up.
i really can't think of why else i'm still not a zombie in a wheelchair staring at the ceiling.
sick of whining about it.
i am not saying this to get attention - it's an honest question to satisfy my curiousity:
who really cares?
look inside. think. do you really care.
i don't know - i don't think even i care. you know, the one whose mind is trying to kill her.
so fstarcking tired.
why HAVEN'T i given up yet?
i cannot name a reason besides what i've said here.
i should stop writing. this disgusts me.
i am at my dad's workshop, building a rollercoaster i refuse not to get done. i am running out of time. i am tired, i am bitter, and i am so close to giving up it's not even funny.
and all i'm doing about it is typing at a computer screen.
yes, this is what technology has brought us.
yep.
this IS sad.
and it is back to the coaster for me.
because of course i'm not 1/16th of the way done with only 6 hours left to work in.
because of course my interims didn't suck.
of course i'm not failing anything.
of course i am perfectly happy with who i am.
screw this. i'm stopping now before i get to the point where i CAN'T stop this compulsive writing
i'm rather tired of hating myself.
and there is such a remarkable amount of things i can do about it. like maybe just collapse right here and cry.
i can't NOT hate me, and i am so tired of it.
just lie down right here and give up.
so easy.
but no.
work to do.
stupid group project to finish.
stupid life to not completely fuck up (though i'm well on my way).
and the sad thing is that those two reasons are just about all that keeps me from doing just as i said - giving up.
i really can't think of why else i'm still not a zombie in a wheelchair staring at the ceiling.
sick of whining about it.
i am not saying this to get attention - it's an honest question to satisfy my curiousity:
who really cares?
look inside. think. do you really care.
i don't know - i don't think even i care. you know, the one whose mind is trying to kill her.
so fstarcking tired.
why HAVEN'T i given up yet?
i cannot name a reason besides what i've said here.
i should stop writing. this disgusts me.
i am at my dad's workshop, building a rollercoaster i refuse not to get done. i am running out of time. i am tired, i am bitter, and i am so close to giving up it's not even funny.
and all i'm doing about it is typing at a computer screen.
yes, this is what technology has brought us.
yep.
this IS sad.
and it is back to the coaster for me.
because of course i'm not 1/16th of the way done with only 6 hours left to work in.
because of course my interims didn't suck.
of course i'm not failing anything.
of course i am perfectly happy with who i am.
screw this. i'm stopping now before i get to the point where i CAN'T stop this compulsive writing
no subject
If not for yourself, for us?
no subject
and i know other people care.
good luck during the next month and a half...
<({[mojo]})>
take my mojo.
i don't need it right now.
you do.
i'll meet you on the other side
-reid
no subject
You're a wonderul young lady who has a whole lot that's beautiful about you, and I don't think you can help that.
So. You take care of yourself - don't make yourself crazy, and figure out what's essential and what's not. You've got a lot of friends to help you, and a whole lotta love behind that. Reid's Mojo can't hurt, either ;)
be well.
no subject
but, yes, i care.