justira ([personal profile] justira) wrote2011-06-17 10:39 am

Well-mannered folk of all genders, I present: my grandmother

For background information: my grandmother is a selfish, abusive person. She was my caretaker for large chunks of my childhood and abused me emotionally my whole life, just as she abused my mother (who abused me in turn, surprise!) and abuses my little sisters whenever she's around them. She is simply toxic to everyone around her. I have recently (just a month or so ago) resolved to avoid any further contact with her if possible and informed my parents of this, with exceptions if they need me to deal with her for short times so that she does not make their lives miserable lashing out about me. My birthday was yesterday; hers was the day before that. I didn't send her anything.

Today, I received this email from her (original in Russian):

Dear Ira!

Happy birthday, and I wish you a life lived happily and carefree
by the principle of "no one owes anyone anything".
Why remember about anyone? It interferes with life.

Best wishes!

[Full initials]

P.S. I sent this yesterday but it bounced, wrong address.


I know I should probably not be too upset, but I have to admit I don't feel that great either. I can't decide whether or not to engage :(
hl: Drawing of Ada Lovelace as a young child, reading a Calculus book (Default)

[personal profile] hl 2011-06-17 08:42 pm (UTC)(link)
Unless you're actually interested in talking it out, I would advice not to engage at all. Seriously, it will never reach anything like resolution, and you will feel like crap during it, unless she's interested in really hearing what is your problem with her, and from what you say... it doesn't seem likely.
cumuluscastle: (sad kitty)

[personal profile] cumuluscastle 2011-06-17 08:42 pm (UTC)(link)
This may not be helpful, because I am an avoidance-happy person. That is a vile email. I would change email addresses and not inform her - or anyone else who would be likely to tell her the new address.
lassarina: I'm not coming out until the stupid people have gone away.  ....I can wait all day. (Default)

[personal profile] lassarina 2011-06-18 02:30 am (UTC)(link)
....ughhhhh. I think the real question there is whether engagement would make you happier in the long run? It doesn't sound like it. She sounds like a vicious asshole, and she's clearly not interested in changing her ways, so it kind of seems like a waste of your energy?