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Friending Policy
I thought I might want to get this out there in order to avoid stepping on as many feet as possible. I'll probably to a short series of posts like this (I'm considering a "content of this LJ" post) explaining my new LJ habits, cause, well, it's been three years since I last used this thing on any sort of regular basis. I've changed, and some of you might decide you don't like who I've become; others might decide that you like me the better for it. That's up to you.
For those of you who didn't know me previously, welcome to my life and world and my LJ friending policy.
Simply put: friend me and I'll friend you back, but don't expect me to read your LJ. Gasp, shock, and horror, but what it boils down to is that I don't read my friends list. I might wander over there about once a week or month or whatever, read the first 40 posts or so, but that's about it.
I'll explain:
First of all, I'm adopting a clear policy in an effort to avoid any possible drama. I see no reason to not friend someone if they've friended me -- the only tangible consequence is that their posts show up on my friends page. Which I don't read (I'll get to that in a second). I do get warmfuzzies when I'm friended, and am often grateful for the attention and the fact that this person finds my ramblings/rants/writing/art interesting enough to keep track of. I think that's great. In that case, I am of course delighted to friend that person right back.
However.
I'm busy. Despite the totally ridiculous amount of art and writing that you will probably see floating around here, I don't have the time to keep track of the lives of everyone on my friends list, and frankly, I don't want to. Not everyone's lives interest me all the time. I do care if something significant happens, but if I know you well enough that I care about it, I hope I can count on some way more personal than LJ to find out about it.
That being said, I don't read my friends list. I do read people's individual journals. This actually remind me of two other of my habits: I don't usually keep bookmarks, nor do I have a lengthy phone number list in my cell phone -- instead, I remember the URLs/phone numbers of people/places I like or find important, and go there/call them manually. This is actually quite good for the memory, and I have a pretty damn extensive list of URLs and phone numbers in my head, and if I want to call someone/visit a site when I'm not on my own computer/don't have my own phone, I'm not totally lost. Unlike some people who know who they are and have massively extensive bookmarks and phone numbers and despite knowing (and calling) me for over nine months, still can't get my phone number straight or tell me the address of their favourite webcomic. Whore.
Anyway. I read individual people's journals. The vast majority of the journals I read are on my friends list, but some are not. This is usually due to how I perceive the other person's friending policy. Generally, I just let people friend me first anyway, because (and I reiterate), I don't read my friends page so what's the point of friending random people who might then feel awkward about friending/not friending me back?
How is reading individual journals less time-consuming or in any way advantageous? Well, I can say that for one I find it easier to care about what the person is saying when it's just them and they're not competing for attention with the bajillion other posts from people who write, think, and lay out their posts differently (and sometimes distractingly =p). I can really get down to appreciating what's being said.
Also, I've fallen out of touch with, or never knew very well to begins with, many people on my friends list. Maybe they forgot to defriend me. Who knows. I find people interesting as a rule, but the way I do things lets me not have to bother at all with the posts of people who have only a peripheral role in my life, however much I may like them. And make no mistake - there's a lot of people who are peripheral to my life whom I like very much. Someday I might even try to get to know them better, or again. However, I can spend my time on the journals of those people who are most directly involved in my life.
And last, but certainly not least: I'm on LJ for the groups more than for the personal posts. I think LJ is awesome. I think a huge, nearly limitless arena where people can vent, laugh, rant, whine, joke, angst, snark, and go through drama drama drama to their heart's content is great. But to me, the best feature of livejournal is the groups. I'm a member of a few and I follow several others -- and no, you won't see them on my watch list. Because I look them up manually. Every time =P
So what about the heart and soul of LJ, those personal posts? Well, let me try to be a bit clearer here. Essentially, I think there are better ways to form personal relationships and follow personal lives than LJ -- like email, IM, or, god forbid, talking face-to-face. My primary interest in LJ are the groups. I've met a lot of interesting people that way -- people whose LJs I do end up reading. I also read a lot of journals because I think the authors are witty or funny or pick interesting things to post about. But if there's something personal going on in your life, and you want me to know about it, I do honestly wish you'd tell me. I don't like finding out that your mother died or you got dumped or your pet ran away or that your life is shit or that you just had something amazing happen through livejournal. If you and I are close enough that this is something I should know, and you care about my reaction to it, I hope you'd tell me about it. Even if it's something as simple as sending me an IM or an email that says "Something amazing/terrible happened -- I wrote about it in this LJ entry." I understand that describing the same thing over and over again to each person get tedious and that LJ is a convenient forum for letting an unlimited number of people all know the same thing at once. But honestly, it's a big place. And guess what? I'm a lazy person. I'm both lazy and busy. Yes, it's possible. I care about a lot of people, but I don't have the time or emotional energy to get caught up in each daily woe or joy. Let me know if there's something truly important that you want me to see.
Finally, the commenting issue: you might see the number of comments I've posted rise dramatically in the little comment stats thingy on my info page. Then you might wonder, "why hasn't she commented on my posts? Am I not important enough?" The answer is simple: communities. Again, I'm here for the communities. I post to and lurk at several art and writing communities, and I try to post lots of reviews (and maybe some day I'll be brave enough to post constructive criticism =P). I hope it helps authors/artists improve, and also make them feel appreciated, meaning that someone has read their story/looked at their art and felt strongly enough about it to say something. I know I love it when that happens.
So what about commenting on personal posts? I don't do it often, and then it's usually on posts that I find amusing or just cracked. If there's serious personal discussion to be had, I think there are better places for it to happen. Private places where I can feel like I'm talking directly to you, where I can focus my attention on saying what I need to tell you and not on how it will be perceived by whoever else from your flist comes across our exchange.
I think that's about it. Feel free to suggest changes to this policy, or let me know what you think of it. Don't expect me to budge much, though. As I said, I'm lazy =P
For those of you who didn't know me previously, welcome to my life and world and my LJ friending policy.
Simply put: friend me and I'll friend you back, but don't expect me to read your LJ. Gasp, shock, and horror, but what it boils down to is that I don't read my friends list. I might wander over there about once a week or month or whatever, read the first 40 posts or so, but that's about it.
I'll explain:
First of all, I'm adopting a clear policy in an effort to avoid any possible drama. I see no reason to not friend someone if they've friended me -- the only tangible consequence is that their posts show up on my friends page. Which I don't read (I'll get to that in a second). I do get warmfuzzies when I'm friended, and am often grateful for the attention and the fact that this person finds my ramblings/rants/writing/art interesting enough to keep track of. I think that's great. In that case, I am of course delighted to friend that person right back.
However.
I'm busy. Despite the totally ridiculous amount of art and writing that you will probably see floating around here, I don't have the time to keep track of the lives of everyone on my friends list, and frankly, I don't want to. Not everyone's lives interest me all the time. I do care if something significant happens, but if I know you well enough that I care about it, I hope I can count on some way more personal than LJ to find out about it.
That being said, I don't read my friends list. I do read people's individual journals. This actually remind me of two other of my habits: I don't usually keep bookmarks, nor do I have a lengthy phone number list in my cell phone -- instead, I remember the URLs/phone numbers of people/places I like or find important, and go there/call them manually. This is actually quite good for the memory, and I have a pretty damn extensive list of URLs and phone numbers in my head, and if I want to call someone/visit a site when I'm not on my own computer/don't have my own phone, I'm not totally lost. Unlike some people who know who they are and have massively extensive bookmarks and phone numbers and despite knowing (and calling) me for over nine months, still can't get my phone number straight or tell me the address of their favourite webcomic. Whore.
Anyway. I read individual people's journals. The vast majority of the journals I read are on my friends list, but some are not. This is usually due to how I perceive the other person's friending policy. Generally, I just let people friend me first anyway, because (and I reiterate), I don't read my friends page so what's the point of friending random people who might then feel awkward about friending/not friending me back?
How is reading individual journals less time-consuming or in any way advantageous? Well, I can say that for one I find it easier to care about what the person is saying when it's just them and they're not competing for attention with the bajillion other posts from people who write, think, and lay out their posts differently (and sometimes distractingly =p). I can really get down to appreciating what's being said.
Also, I've fallen out of touch with, or never knew very well to begins with, many people on my friends list. Maybe they forgot to defriend me. Who knows. I find people interesting as a rule, but the way I do things lets me not have to bother at all with the posts of people who have only a peripheral role in my life, however much I may like them. And make no mistake - there's a lot of people who are peripheral to my life whom I like very much. Someday I might even try to get to know them better, or again. However, I can spend my time on the journals of those people who are most directly involved in my life.
And last, but certainly not least: I'm on LJ for the groups more than for the personal posts. I think LJ is awesome. I think a huge, nearly limitless arena where people can vent, laugh, rant, whine, joke, angst, snark, and go through drama drama drama to their heart's content is great. But to me, the best feature of livejournal is the groups. I'm a member of a few and I follow several others -- and no, you won't see them on my watch list. Because I look them up manually. Every time =P
So what about the heart and soul of LJ, those personal posts? Well, let me try to be a bit clearer here. Essentially, I think there are better ways to form personal relationships and follow personal lives than LJ -- like email, IM, or, god forbid, talking face-to-face. My primary interest in LJ are the groups. I've met a lot of interesting people that way -- people whose LJs I do end up reading. I also read a lot of journals because I think the authors are witty or funny or pick interesting things to post about. But if there's something personal going on in your life, and you want me to know about it, I do honestly wish you'd tell me. I don't like finding out that your mother died or you got dumped or your pet ran away or that your life is shit or that you just had something amazing happen through livejournal. If you and I are close enough that this is something I should know, and you care about my reaction to it, I hope you'd tell me about it. Even if it's something as simple as sending me an IM or an email that says "Something amazing/terrible happened -- I wrote about it in this LJ entry." I understand that describing the same thing over and over again to each person get tedious and that LJ is a convenient forum for letting an unlimited number of people all know the same thing at once. But honestly, it's a big place. And guess what? I'm a lazy person. I'm both lazy and busy. Yes, it's possible. I care about a lot of people, but I don't have the time or emotional energy to get caught up in each daily woe or joy. Let me know if there's something truly important that you want me to see.
Finally, the commenting issue: you might see the number of comments I've posted rise dramatically in the little comment stats thingy on my info page. Then you might wonder, "why hasn't she commented on my posts? Am I not important enough?" The answer is simple: communities. Again, I'm here for the communities. I post to and lurk at several art and writing communities, and I try to post lots of reviews (and maybe some day I'll be brave enough to post constructive criticism =P). I hope it helps authors/artists improve, and also make them feel appreciated, meaning that someone has read their story/looked at their art and felt strongly enough about it to say something. I know I love it when that happens.
So what about commenting on personal posts? I don't do it often, and then it's usually on posts that I find amusing or just cracked. If there's serious personal discussion to be had, I think there are better places for it to happen. Private places where I can feel like I'm talking directly to you, where I can focus my attention on saying what I need to tell you and not on how it will be perceived by whoever else from your flist comes across our exchange.
I think that's about it. Feel free to suggest changes to this policy, or let me know what you think of it. Don't expect me to budge much, though. As I said, I'm lazy =P
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Well, tell me about it or something. Except I'm busy, so like... I don't know... Email me and then wait a bajillion years for me to respond. Or something =P
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i'll just im you and not expect a response, dear. email is for the weak ofheart. i use gmail. :P
no subject