justira ([personal profile] justira) wrote2010-11-14 12:16 am

[Make-Your-Own Meme] My partner! My partner and fandom/slash!

Hey it's a post from that ridiculous/amazing/this is the worst idea/this is the best idea Make-Your-Own Meme "blog every day of November" thing! Original post/list of topics. Feel free to add more: LJ | DW — anon and openID welcome!

I meant to go on longer in this entry, but again, tired! I'm happy to answer questions and such as I can, though, especially after I've had some sleep! =d

[livejournal.com profile] squeemu: I'd be interested to hear more about your partner - how you met, if you share fandom stuff with them. ALSO, if your partner is male, what they think about slash, specifically you producing works of slash. (here)

SO! I'm pansexual. My partner, T, is a straight male. We have an open relationship and he knows all about my fandom things and has, ohgod, actually seen and/or read my porn. FFFFF.

We met in college. He was a friend of a friend who I'd been vaguely aware of for a while and had thought was pretty interesting. And then the group of friends that Mutual Friend was part of went to see a late showing of The Incredibles. We took the bus there, but it was raining heavily and between the bus stop and the movie threatre, my shoes and socks got SOAKED. I watched the movie barefoot, and then was incredibly reluctant to don my soaking socks again: ew. As we emerged from the theatre, I expressed a wish to patronize a store and purchase fresh socks, because we were planning to walk back (about an hour, hour and a half), as we were pretty sure ther were no more busses running that night (it wasn't that freaking late, like a little past midnight). Big-city person that I am, I just assumed that the big Wal-Mart style stores were open that late.

This being Portland, that was not true. If any of you ever plan to live in Portland (and I do encourage this as a life plan), just be aware that everything closes at like TEN PM. Okay?

I was much put out by this.

T and I ended up walking together up front, me grumping along in my squishy socks (ew) and doing it just as fast as I could. T kept up easily; he has this big loping stride even though he's on the short side. This is how we really met: me in soaking socks, walking home in a drizzle between 1 and 2 in the morning from a showing of The Incredibles, talking all the way.

We started dating a few months later, in March of 2005 — well, I wouldn't call it dating, like, of any kind. Basically I just moved into his dorm room. We resolved to try living together off-campus the next semester, and, barring a stretch of employment-related separation (half a year, it sucked), we've been living together ever since.

Now. This was my first relationship since determining that I was poly. I've always been poly, but I had always interpreted as emotional unfaithfulness before, like I was this terrible person for being attracted to multiple people even when I was with someone. And how much do I hate that I had to learn about the existence of polyamory in college instead of as part of a comprehensive sex ed class? All those years of hating myself for this weren't necessary, you know. The pain it caused me and the strain it put on my relationships: WHY.

So yes, I discussed this with T right from the beginning. I let him know that I wanted to be with him, but that I did very poorly in closed relationships. He said he was willing to try. So!

So our relationship is open. It's long-term and committed; we've been together for almost six years now. Both of us have taken advantage of the openness in that time, though me much more than him — he himself doesn't identify as poly. I've had another outright relationship during this time (another man), and less involved stuff with various genders. Especially considering the gripe I had just upstairs, this kind of thing — open relationships, their existence and how they can work — is something I think should be discussed more! The presumption of pairing being the only viable relationship configuration is, in my opinion, actively damaging to many people and relationships, and to our culture in general. So, again, another thing I'd be happy to talk about if anyone is interested!

T and fandom! I actually don't remember how T came to know about my fandom doings — it might have come up in relation to some of the anime we were watching, which is something we still do a lot together. However it was, it was early in our relationship, possibly before we even got together. Sadly the answer to this part of the question is really kind of boring? Because while T is aware of almost all of the fandom stuff I do, he pretty much considers it not really his business? It's my hobby; he has his own. He's not fannish, himself (though we share a lot of interests), but he seems to think my fandom stuff is pretty cool. For me writing slash, he has... no real opinion? I write/read/draw dudes making out and screwing, so what? I talked to him about this post, trying to elicit some kind of more elaborate opinion, but really it seems to come down to him thinking it really has nothing to do with him? He's not into slash, but he's always been happy to give an opinion on mine if I ask.

I kind of wish I had something more to say here, but that's just how we are!

Finally, just a couple fun facts about T! He wants to be a blacksmith and likes carving as well (he once gave me a carved alabaster rose!). He's trained as a bartender and mixes awesome drinks and likes to cook and bake (he makes all our bread; no store-bought bread ever!). Per my request, he wears his hair long (a bit more than midway down his back, about a handspan above his hips, I so wanted to take a picture of it for this post) and has a moustache and full beard =d

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