Very nicely done! I would say, especially considering you wrote it so quickly, but for the most part it doesn't really show -- just a minor typo here and there, and that can happen no longer how long you slave over a story.

All the characters voices worked very well to my ears, and the way you switch between them, making the changes to the narration as necessary, was both appropriate and mostly seamless. I thought Basch, Noah, and Larsa were different enough to feel distinct. Penelo is excellent, too, and I loved the one scene with Fran. I also think keeping Ashe and Balthier at the periphery worked quite well -- they are actors in the story without adding too much complexity to it.

I think your choice to make this a redemption story rather than a typical romance definitely worked. I love the concept that Vaan wants to be seen as an individual, not as what he might stand for, and that so far only Penelo has really been able to do that, and that part of his journey with Noah is how Noah learns to make that shift.

The only real crit I can give is that your use of many short paragraphs sometimes feels choppy. It was effective during the more action-oriented segments -- after the battle on Bahamut, the sparring matches, the raid -- but in sections that were more narrative-based, I found it distracting. This could totally be an issue of personal preference, though. (Especially as I am a known abuser of run-on sentences!)

Anyway, I am really glad you were inspired to write this story and make it work. Thank you for sharing it!