So today.

Many of you will have heard that there was a 5.8 earthquake in VA this afternoon. We got a pretty good rumble out where I was, and I say this as someone who's lived in two fault line areas (LA and Tajikistan). Incidentally the epicenter of the quake was pretty much right under my parents' lake house (you know, the 1.5-million-dollar one that is the cause of so much woe recently because MY PARENTS jeez). It's as if the world is trying to tell them something =|

Luckily the quake wasn't too bad, so I hope everyone's okay and there's not too much damage.

MEANWHILE. I get home, have a phone interview (second job that will hopefully cover my parents' bills: GO), run errands, settle in... and FIRE ALARM.

Well shit.

I live on the eighth story of a high-rise. I have a dog and three large cats. The partner isn't home.

There are a lot of dog owners in my building, and luckily one of them is my across-hall neighbour, who knows we have Ozz. I told him I had three cats, and he offered right away to take care of Ozzie, which was really great of him. That just left the three cats. They're all big and one is fat (he is just like that, we have tried all the diets and all the exercises, he is just fat) but I was just grabbing the nearest cat and stuffing it in the nearest carrier. Of course the lightest one ended up in the small carrier on his own and the fat one and the sturdy one ended up in the bigger dog carrier together.

Then I hauled all 45-50 pounds of madly fidgeting, yowling cats down 8 flights of stairs.

So that was fun. My second evacuation of the day.

It was actually really interesting while we were all out there in the back lot -- that's where all the animal owners went and there were dogs milling around everywhere (I'm sure the cats were thrilled) and even two more cats besides my three. Those guys had apparently been caught and stuffed in an extra large tupperware, with the lid propped partly open once they got outside. We had an escapee dog -- a border collie, so that was a pretty exciting escape.

On the way back in another nice neighbour from my floor carried the cats to the elevator for me (THANK GOD FOR ELEVATORS) and I took Ozzie back in. The fire turned out to be something electrical but was taken care of quickly as we live literally three blocks from a fire station. Everyone and almost everything appears to be fine.

And that was my day. Earthquakes and fires.

ETA: So while we were waiting out the fire outside, someone joked, "hurricane at 9, folks!".

Guess what.

There's a hurricane. It even has my name on it.
I don't really know what to do with myself.

My mom is having a psychological collapse. My dad is part of the cause, so he's no help; my mom's girlfriend has been trying to help for two years. This pretty much leaves me, and I spent over three hours talking to her monday night, driving down to her place and trying to work out some kind of plan. My family's still half a million dollars in debt and their cash flow is still negative. My mom is terrified of declaring bankruptcy because she'd lose her security clearance and have to look for work, plus all the energy of settling into a new place if she even manages to find one. My dad's flaking out on everything from childcare to his part of the debt to helping my mom. I'm trying to find her doctors she agreed to one day and balks at the next; the lake house that's the primary money-suck has been on the market for ages without even a walk-through. Three whole adults have utterly failed at getting their life in order and now it's my turn to try, again; what am I supposed to do here?

I'm almost as depressed as I've ever been, and that was before my mom. The grave's medication is maybe making a sliver of difference -- I wouldn't know; every time I get a little space to breathe from one thing, something else awful happens. The job opportunity I was really hoping for isn't materializing and now I'm on the hunt again. The economy's collapsing again right when I'm quitting my current job -- you know, the one that made me so depressed? And the economy continues to be infuriating, I am so angry and violently saddened by the garbage coming out of DC.

I feel like I've flaked out on everything this year. I've accomplished nothing creative, I've failed so many people, I'm so far behind on org work. On the one hand, how was I supposed to know that 2011 would suck so much more than 2010 for me? When I ran for board, things were looking up. I was secure and moderately content. I didn't know my family would implode, I didn't know that I would get so sick, I didn't know I'd be quitting my job. But I somehow should have shouldered everything and soldiered on, right? I'm trying to cling to some shred of something for me -- something outside work, commuting, chores, and the sleep mandated by my sickness. But there's nothing left. I gave up all my hobbies, all things fun, months and months ago. All that's left is the org and all that does is make me feel guilty for falling further behind. But if I take a leave there, a real leave of absence, I will just feel like I had failed everything.

I don't know what to do with myself.
Hey, so [community profile] ladybusiness is giving away some awesome books by ladies:

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
A Wish After Midnight by Zetta Elliott
Kindred by Octavia Butler

Want free books? Go!
Well. Here we finally are I guess. I have a diagnosis and a scrip for pills and we're gonna start treatment and hopefully I will feel less like shit.

my life

Jul. 6th, 2011 07:53 am
I've generally had at least one doctor appointment a week so far this summer, but this week takes the cake.

DayTimeThingHow Awesome Is It?
Tuesday2:30amEndocrinologistMost unprofessional, least welcoming doctor I have ever encountered, and humiliated me pretty thoroughly! Also the only one within feasible distance who is covered by my insurance =D
Wednesday8:20amDentistNeedles! In MY MOUTH! MY FAVOURITE. Phobias rock.
Thursday12:00 noonMRI prepFasting for 12 hours beforehand, yay.
2:30pmMRI 1
Friday1:30pmMRI 2Fasting for 12 hours beforehand, yay.
Saturday9:15amBlood draw for labworkEven MORE needles, AND fasting for 12 hours beforehand. Party time, right.

Yep. At least one doctor/medical thing every working day this week plus Saturday. Good times.

I know I'm lucky to have any access to healthcare, but I am probably allowed to be grumpy about my health =\
I don't often do this, but:

Senator Bernie Sanders (I-Vermont) calls for Obama to end tax breaks for the wealthy and tax loopholes that benefit huge corporations, saying that enough is enough and that deficit reduction cannot be built on the backs of the poor and the vanishing middle class.

He made a 90-minute speech on the floor of the Senate today and has put up a letter to Obama on his official website.

Please sign the letter and spread the word. As of this posting, there were 67,897 signatures. Let's raise that number.

Excerpt from the letter:
Mr. President, please listen to the overwhelming majority of the American people who believe that deficit reduction must be about shared sacrifice. The wealthiest Americans and the most profitable corporations in this country must pay their fair share. At least 50 percent of any deficit reduction package must come from revenue raised by ending tax breaks for the wealthy and eliminating tax loopholes that benefit large, profitable corporations and Wall Street financial institutions. A sensible deficit reduction package must also include significant cuts to unnecessary and wasteful Pentagon spending.

Excerpt from his speech with video embed behind the cut )

Senator Sanders, thank you so much for doing your job.

Please sign the letter and tell others about it. The Twitter tag is #SharedSacrifice. Make it big, make it loud.

I'm pretty cynical and my hopes are pretty low. But any chance to change things...

[Hat tip: Shakesville]
mom's biopsy was okay, everything benign. back to breathing.

oh. good.

Jun. 19th, 2011 05:31 pm
my mom's getting an ovarian cancer biopsy this week because previous tests have been inconclusive.

is there someone out there for whom the past year or two hasn't sucked? =|

at least it's not a done deal yet. we'll know one way or another soon =|
For background information: my grandmother is a selfish, abusive person. She was my caretaker for large chunks of my childhood and abused me emotionally my whole life, just as she abused my mother (who abused me in turn, surprise!) and abuses my little sisters whenever she's around them. She is simply toxic to everyone around her. I have recently (just a month or so ago) resolved to avoid any further contact with her if possible and informed my parents of this, with exceptions if they need me to deal with her for short times so that she does not make their lives miserable lashing out about me. My birthday was yesterday; hers was the day before that. I didn't send her anything.

Today, I received this email from her (original in Russian):

Dear Ira!

Happy birthday, and I wish you a life lived happily and carefree
by the principle of "no one owes anyone anything".
Why remember about anyone? It interferes with life.

Best wishes!

[Full initials]

P.S. I sent this yesterday but it bounced, wrong address.


I know I should probably not be too upset, but I have to admit I don't feel that great either. I can't decide whether or not to engage :(


Jun. 6th, 2011 07:54 am
Man y'alls, depression sucks =|

There is not even anything else to say on the issue. Just sucks. Trufax!

Have a corgi.

@[community profile] ff_press: [FFIV] [personal profile] justira: Eclipse (Kain/Cecil, Kain/Rosa, Cecil/Rosa) (PG13) (1,500 words)


Fandom | Cast: FFIV. Kain/Cecil (+ Kain/Rosa, Cecil/Rosa)
Rating | Warnings: No warnings. I'd say PG13 for dark themes? (it's Kain.)
Words: Fifteen 100-word drabbles = 1,500 words
Feedback: Yes please! All kinds welcome.
Notes: De-anon on a [community profile] fuckyeahfinalfantasy fill I did apparently like half a year ago on the prompt: Kain wants and has wanted Cecil every bit as much as Rosa.

The original version, being commentfic, remains untouched; the repost on AO3 has some minor typo corrections and sentence structure fiddling and such, not a major revision. More author notes below.

Summary: Kain wants too many things.

( Eclipse on AO3 )

( Eclipse on [community profile] fuckyeahfinalfantasy )

Notes )

x-post: Hosted on AO3. Original version on [community profile] fuckyeahfinalfantasy [here].
So. I don't think I posted about it at the time, but about a month back, my partner got hit by a car while biking to work.

But wait. It gets better.

the accident )

So, partner scuffed up but ultimately okay. What about the bike? Which is, for us, a serious and moderately expensive piece of essential transportation equipment, i.e. not an optional recreational luxury? Well.

insult to injury )

So. I'm pretty upset. There went several hundred dollars (right when we are trying to move and change jobs, so thanks for adding to our financial anxiety!), half of our household's modes of transport, and a whole lot of spoons. Thanks. Thanks, guys.
So. There is this dream: a place that is a bar, bakery, and brewery, making its own unique hand-crafted beers that can be served to you with a bagel sandwich or some delicious pie, along with the usual bar fare of burgers, fries, and mixed drinks. There's a stage for music and other performances. The bakery opens early while the bar is mostly dormant, with breads, cookies, cupcakes, cake pops, sugar pearl waffles, and other delicious things; as the day wanes the bar picks up with unique beers, house-recipe mixed drinks, and bar food. The menu has a variety of items, including options for gluten-free, nut-free, and lactose-free items [edit add low-glycemic index to that list, courtesy of [personal profile] seventhe's reminder] that are also tasty, goddammit, and would be totally scrumptious to people without those allergies as well (and tasty vegan options!) — I refuse to believe this cannot be done and am already working on recipes for allergy-friendly baked goods.

[edit gluten-free beer u gaiz!!]

[edit [personal profile] chaosraven notes that a substitutions-friendly menu can similarly expand our range!]

Me and a few other people, [personal profile] seventhe among them, are interested in starting such an enterprise eventually — but part of this dream is to make a space that is accessible and friendly. This means as welcoming as we can be to all kinds of people, all genders, all abilities, as much as we can. I wanted to throw around some ideas I've been brewing for little things that make a place accessible.

Details! )

Anyway, those are just some preliminary thoughts! What do y'all think?
Hey guys! So uh. Guess what, I am on the OTW Board. I don't really talk about my OTW work much! Mainly due to SO TIRED. But I have a lot of thoughts about the recent server names poll and its results. I pretty much ran on a platform of diversity, and I feel like I need to talk about what happened there. So.

I've made a post on my real-name journal: The OTW Server Poll and Fannish Diversity

I invite anyone interested to read it. If you would like to comment — please do! But I would appreciate it if discussion of my OTW work was kept in that journal and not this one; I would also appreciate it if people did not publicize the connection between this journal and my real-name one too much. I don't plan on keeping the two strictly separate, but I would appreciate it if the degree of connection was left in my control to whatever extent possible =)

(I'ave also added a note to my DW profile to that effect.)

Anyway. Thanks for listening, folks. Back to your regularly scheduled programming.
Part of the Song a Day Project!

I considered other works by Juno Reactor, something more energetic and uh, well, angry I guess, which felt more suiting, but I think I like something that feels thoughtful like this better, for now.

Youtube Link: Juno Reactor - Solaris

Embed after the cut )
Part of the Song a Day Project!

This is yesterday's, late, because my internet died last night =\

This copy of the song cuts of the last verse, which repeats the first one, but I couldn't find any other copies on youtube that we're covers :(

I gather this is one of her less-known songs. Jewel's "Pieces of You" was the first album I bought — I bought it on audio cassette right after it was released, actually. This was always one of my favourite songs. I think I was in grade school at the time... 5th grade? somewhere between 4th and 6th; I'm terrible with numbers.

Youtube Link: Jewel - Painters

Lyrics after the cut )
Part of the Song a Day Project!

And I'm so
Terrified of no one else but me
I'm here all the time
I won't go away
It's me
Yeah well I can't get myself to go away
It's me, and I can't get myself to go away
Oh God I shouldn't feel this way

It's been a long day.

Youtube Link: Matchbox 20 - Long Day

Embedding disabled! Lyrics after the cut )




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