Jul. 28th, 2010

So. I have a post planned for today that I am still determined to do. But first, let me tell you, Internets.

Yesterday, while biking home, I got hit by a car.

Yes, I'm okay. Bruised up and pretty grumpy about it, but I am fine. At first I thought the bike was fine too, but turns out one of its pedals is completely borked; I'll have to replace it today.

But dang, guys. Hit by a car.

The depressing thing is that it will probably happen again! I was talking to [personal profile] owlmoose and she seemed kind of appalled to learn that I often bike on sidewalks. It turned out we were just coming from vastly different backgrounds. Her area has bike lanes, bike amenities, and drivers used to bikers. My area has NONE of these things. So it's like of COURSE I bike on the sidewalk? I don't want to get RUN OVER. If it's safe, I definitely jump in the street. But true story, internets: most of the time it ISN'T.

Anyway. The crash itself was pretty amazing. It was a dude turning around a corner way too fast right into me and I didn't even have time to bloody be scared. I didn't think. I swerved, ditched the bike, and apparently FLEW away from the car, because I landed safe and sound, standing up, feet away from the whole incident. The guy jumped out of his car and was just freaking TERRIFIED; I had to keep reassuring him that I was fine. Seriously, I felt bad for the guy.

Also some part of me or my bike wanged his mirror off the car, so I felt pretty bad about that, too. But dude, maybe you shouldn't hit bikers.

Come this morning though, I'm bruised and a bit stiff and mighty grumpy about my bike being borked, since I still had to use it to come in to work today. FFFFFF.

Anyway. So that is why I was so tired yesterday and didn't do anything big to celebrate the big 400 doodle mark and didn't post my post. Massive adrenaline aftershock will do that to you.
Hey so! Time to re-evaluate!

The deal: I have done 400 daily doodles. That is 400 days (WHAT) of producing drawings every day — some pretty damn terrible, some I'm even a little proud of. It's about time to think hard about this project, and what I want to do with it, and with myself.

Thoughts on any of the below are very welcome! Just fyi, I'm quite frank about my various mental and emotional issues; these are not cries for sympathy, just facts of life. I plan to be even more frank in the future, actually. Get used to it? Anyway! I welcome feedback on the project as it has been, and on these evaluations and plans. Anything, really.

Self-Evaluating Babble Part the First: Arting )

So, in terms of technique, I've improved a little, but I think it's time to stop focusing on that as much; it might salve my perfectionist tendencies, but it bruises my spirit.

Now for the other things this project has improved! I almost never get nauseous when posting art in public anymore! YAY?

Self-Evaluating Babble Part the Second: NO ONE IS JUDGING YOU IRA LET IT GO )

On that score: success! Or as successful as I will likely ever allow myself to be. It's still a disaster with fic, including when I give betas my first drafts (VOMIT). But even that is a bit less of a disaster than it was, thanks to my short-lived writing meme and in part to some infectious cross-contamination from the doodle thing. Yay! Ish.


Those are the good parts.

The bad news is that this project has stunted a lot of other stuff!

Self-Evaluating Babble Part the Third: Single-Mindedness Somehow Not Always a Good Thing, STORY AT ELEVEN )

I do have a lot of trouble convincing myself that I'm stopping something because it's healthy, because it's a good idea — rather than because I'm giving up, because I'm weak and flighty and can't stick to anything. I'm still working very hard to keep telling myself that just because I am tired doesn't mean I'm quitting due to tired — that just because I WANT something doesn't make it the wrong choice.

So. With help from the ever-understanding and logical and awesome [personal profile] owlmoose, I'm scrapping the current doodle project.

I don't want to give up the daily discipline of creativity and self-improvement. But I want to focus on other things, and nurture creative urges as they come, instead of trying to haul a team of unconscious bears upstream. And I want to finally get to work on some more serious, longer-term works.

Here we go, then. The new project.

  • Do something creative every day.
    • I don't have to finish something every day, as long as I put in some type of creative work on some project.
    • I don't have to post something every day (your reading/friends lists may rejoice!) but I do have to keep track of my progress — weekly posts, maybe?
    • Can be writing, drawing, vidding — anything that exercises, craft, skill, or creativity. (PS: did you know that I am a vidder? Just a scared, amateur, unpublished one.)
  • Drawing Goals:
    • Go back and finish, or start from scratch and finish, one polished work per month.
    • Practice colouring every week. Don't have to finish a colour a week, just practice at least a little each week.
  • Writing Goals:
    • Produce a first/beta draft of [unit] every month as long as there are any projects on the docket. It can be a chapter draft of a long work, or a draft of a one-shot.
    • Write at least 1,000 words every week. Editing doesn't count (I do that easily enough on my own) but outlining does — I've discovered I'm terrible at outlining and getting ideas off the ground, so I need to work on that and learn!
  • Other Creative Stuff Goals:
    • Produce a vid draft every two months
    • Produce one complete cosplay every six months
    • Produce one [unit] of work on an original project every two months (overall outline, single chapter detailed outline, single chapter draft, etc.)
  • Also: produce one serious business post a month (it's not like I have a lack of thoughts and topic; just of energy and confidence).
  • Do not consider self a failure if you don't meet any of these goals

There is a LOT of "what a shame" feeling at letting go of a 400-day streak. But I think that feeling is getting in the way of better goals. So, here it is, the death of the daily doodle. Many thanks to everyone who helped, commented, encouraged; and particular thanks to [personal profile] renay for prodding me into it in the first place.

Thoughts are! Vey very welcome =D Suggestions as well! Resources for vidding! Or cosplaying! Arting tips! Writing tips! Exclamations of thanks for sparing your reading lists! Etc =P

My biggest problem? NO CATCHY NAME

I suggested "Quotidian Creativity" but [personal profile] renay may or may not have laughed at me >.>



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